I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
