Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
