his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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