Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
