Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
