I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
