grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
