What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This is not my ceiling
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
