he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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