i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
