i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
