If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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