I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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