They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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