Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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