Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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