dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
