things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
