Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
