now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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