true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
