A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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