the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
