That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
