on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
