someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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