Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
