I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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