He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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