drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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