Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
