You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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