I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
