Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
