I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My penis needs a shock collar
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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