i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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