we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
