He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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