we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
