Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
