I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
