I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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