Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
