I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
