I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
