Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
