fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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