o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
