I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
