you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
