I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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