he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
