Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
