The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
