Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
