gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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