I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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