DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize