big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
